i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
