mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
