can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need to calm my uterus...