we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.