My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?