I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life