god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
