kristin has been a bad kristin
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
