Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
