where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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