fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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