I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
