how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
