I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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