i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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