First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize