I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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