My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
