you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
