addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
