there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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