I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
