I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
