I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
