it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
