Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
