Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
