And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
