The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
