i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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