shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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