I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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