i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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