She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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