i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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