I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
