There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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