you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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