Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
