You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
