Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
