I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
