hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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