He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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