I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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