Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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