The maid of honor just puked.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
