I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
