Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
