with your own penis?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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