she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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