i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
