Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
