what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
