**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
