i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize