no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
