just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
