Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
