I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize