She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
