I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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