im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
