Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
