my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm really busy with my period
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