I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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