had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
