Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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