I could make wine with my vomit
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
