The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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