So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
