handjob tips. give me some.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
