and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
