i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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