my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
