we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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