yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
