i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
