I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
