you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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