Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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