She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
