Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I puked a lego.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
