yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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