Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
