All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
