Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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